Category: Uncategorized

Today Elle went to school with lies in a lunchbox. And boy did it make me feel like a crummy Mom. I make Elle pack her own school lunch. (That is not the crummy part – I’m proud that I have a Kindergartener packing her own lunch.) While she was packing it, she casually asked me if I knew that there were other kids at her school that sometimes got notes in their lunchboxes. “Yeah Mom, like their moms put them in there. They say things like ‘I love you’ Or ‘have a good day’.” I decided to play stupid, “Oh, really?” She said “Yeah” and looked at me with pleading eyes. I wasn’t biting. She said “Would you want to do that sometime mom?” In my head I was totally planning on surprising her by sneaking one in there after she went to bed, I just didn’t want to ruin the surprise. So, I told her I would think about it. (I like to play hard to get.) She started begging me please in a very sad way. I guess she got desperate because when I turned around she had gotten out a pencil and paper and said “Fine Mom, I’ll just do it myself” and proceeded to forge a love note from me for her lunch. She literally wrote: ‘Elle, I love you. Mom’. My poor six-year-old is just looking for some love. And is now faking our relationship at school. This may be a new low for me. (And yes, I did end up sneaking an authentic note in from me too. I’m not a monster.)

For any of you that are unable to escape the desolate dungeon of Michigan this winter, let me tell you another way you can have some fun! Without even leaving the state! Grab your nearest four-year-old, two-year-old, and three-month-old and take them to the dentist for a joint appointment! But make sure that you don’t take anyone along with you to help. That’ll really add to the fun 🙂 Boy…let me tell you… I think I have found a new way to deter crime. Instead of sending criminals to jail, make them take multiple toddlers to the dentist on their own anytime they commit a crime. Recidivism rates would plummet! While one kid is whining, hanging onto your leg, not wanting to climb into the chair, I guarantee the other one is somehow going to get into the hygienist’s tools. The baby will likely pee through his pants onto your lap while you’re trying to play it cool like it’s no big deal. But at least we got out of there with no cavities. Oh wait…that’s not true. We get to go back for fillings for the four-year-old. The one that’s terrified to even walk through the door. That should be fun…

This girl likes her food. I don’t think that’s a surprise to anyone. You don’t get tree-trunk-like-thighs from counting calories. Those two bowls on the counter in the background were her breakfast this morning. One was filled with cereal, the other oatmeal. She ate them both. My jaw almost hit the floor when I saw they were empty. And when she couldn’t get any more food down her throat, she decided to force fill her belly by jamming it through her belly button. She doesn’t give up easily. She reeked of pure determination and ill-founded ideas.